Sticky Side of Heaven


Please feel free to respond to any of my thoughts. I love interactive discussion!
My e-mail is liltoad2000@aol.com.

 
Hey, just so you know, I really am a creative person. Every day I constantly think of cool and neat things to write in this space. However, when it comes to sitting down in front of the screen, I draw a total blank. Sigh...I just lost a page of writing, I need to figure out a better way of writing so I don't risk losing what I write before it is posted.

Anyone else have a strange week? One of those weeks where on Tuesday you could swear it felt like it should be Friday? Today feels stretched and thin, like we've gone beyond the boundaries of the week. Tomorrow might be right out of the twilight zone. Its that subconscious feeling that I've had ever since getting up, that I should have gone straight back to bed, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Everything goes wrong or is just plain odd or out of place...the day just doesn't sit on your shoulders right. From dropping my comb several times while brushing my hair to hitting every red light to saying the wrong thing in meetings.

*Warning* This is going to be a 'pity me' paragraph, skip if you don't have a strong stomach. I have a gorgeous italian co-intern whom I love dearly. We've only known each other for a few weeks but already she is a close friend, as we seem to have a lot in common. Our favorite stereotype is 'Single mothers are cheap to please.' However, it seems I'm a little cheaper than most. Tell me if you think my perspective on this is right (I'm thinking that I've finally caught my PMS depression red-handed here). This gorgeous woman has her daughter's daycare all paid for ($700/month) by the father. Her boyfriend insists on paying for a babysitter to visit every night and for a cleaning woman to come once a week. She has the time and money to have her hair done and lots of other beauty stuff. I'm lucky if I get a shower and am living off of my credit card. Once that is used up, I guess I'll try to get a loan on my car. My other friends take their clothes to the dry cleaners. I stay up late to wash and iron my clothes in the creepiest basement you've ever gotten goosebumps in. Others can go out to dinner and movies on a whim. I gave away my tv because it took up too much of my time. And forget the movies, I can't even hear them. So, I feel bad about all of this and then I feel worse because I do have so much going for me and I shouldn't be feeling bad. Who am I to complain? I could tell the tale of any of my clients and its always going to be much much worse. I have a beautiful and wonderful son. I have a house that I pay less than market value rent for. I'm involved in deaf culture, which gives my life a variety and richness it never would have had otherwise. So what if I'm stinky and tired once in a while...or my clothes are slightly wrinkled (heavens! I sound like a patient). I think I've mentioned in here that my life is pretty great most of the time. I now have a comfortable pair of shoes...makes me very happy. Which leads me to believe that my sadness right now is chemical, so I need to be understanding and supportive. Ice cream sounds nice. Hot bath, maybe, depends on Will. Good book, if I can stay awake long enough. Hmm...maybe I'll survive the night.

BTW: Will discovered his pockets yesterday! It was the cutest thing. He strolled around with both of his hands deep in his pockets, looking like a little Charlie Chaplin. We watched Dumbo at a friend's house the other night...I cried at the sad scenes like I always do while Will made truck noises while 'driving' blocks around completely oblivious to the movie. I'm glad we don't have a tv, I don't want to train him to watch it.

I also wanted to add to the serendipity discussion two things that happened this week. You tell me if they are serendipitous or just plain coincidence. The very first piece of mail I received in my new house was a catalog from H.S. Trask, a prestigious shoe company that is based in my little hometown. It was addressed to the previous occupant. How weird is that? The other coincidence.....I can't remember! Yikes. Is that serendipitous for you guys?
posted by Candice at 11:31 AM