Sticky Side of Heaven


Please feel free to respond to any of my thoughts. I love interactive discussion!
My e-mail is liltoad2000@aol.com.

 
Has anyone out there in the great big world ever been woken up in a hotel by the manager himself, in person? I had that great priviledge yesterday when my alarm clock went off but my hearing aid wasn't turned on to hear it. I have a big foghorn of an alarm and I'm sure everyone in the hotel next door was awake too. Luckily, I was wearing pj's, which isn't a consistent habit, I'm afraid. A great start to a long day.

The other nice thing about yesterday is that finally after four trips to the shoe store, I found a pair of comfortable, professional looking shoes. It was only through a sheer act of will that I was able to keep Will from destroying the store for the fourth time. I would take my shoe off to try a new one on and Will would take off running and start ripping shoe boxes off the shelf. So there I was running around the store with one shoe off and screaming "nooooo!!" Froogy is in one aisle, my credit cards (which Will likes to play with) are scattered on the floor in another, the shoe I want to try on is on the other side of the store and then Will decides it would be fun to play limp noodle. So, I grab him and hold him on my hip in an arm of steel, he's still playing wet noodle and trying to flop off my arm. I run and grab my credit cards (similar to lunge exercises), I don't even bother with froggy or my other shoe. Run (up, down, up, down...I'm wearing a high heel on one foot) to the shoe I need to try on and hop on one foot while I attempt to put on the 8 1/2 Wide shoe with only three of my fingers, the others are still trying to hold the credit cards. Will is now upside down on my hip, which is not only possible but very typical. I had to reach way down deep inside of me to find the "damn, I'm going to do this come hell or high water" attitude that I discovered on my winter trip. The #$%^ shoe doesn't fit. Size 9 1/2, no. Size 10, still too tight, gotta be comfortable. I am now sweating from the exertion of holding a very squirmy Will and hoping on one foot. Amazingly enough, this shoe comes in a SIZE 11. Where the heck did I get size 11 feet???? Last time I checked they were 8 1/2 wide.

Now for the big finish...Will is ready to start screaming. I grab the box, check the size of the other shoe, readjust my hold on Will, and double check the number of credit cards he is holding (3...good). Run down one aisle, grab Froggy. Run down the next aisle, cram my foot into my old stinky too tight shoe (size 8 1/2, I wonder why it pinches so badly??). Limp over to the single cashier and the 6 people waiting in line. Arghhh! 1/2 hour later, Will is asleep on the floor and the cashier wants to know if my shopping experience was pleasant and satisfactory. The whole thing was like a comic horror scene. What a great day!

Anyway, didn't mean to get so detailed but, man, what a frustrating experience. Work is frustrating too but only because I am so tired that I can't quite think clearly and shaprly as I feel I need to. I did have two wonderful experiences today though. The first occured in my supervisor's office. I was questioning him about how to proceed with a client. His response was that I am the boss now, I need to decide what to do. Next year after internship, there isn't going to be anyone to tell me what to do, I I'd better get used to it!! What an incredible feeling to be fully in charge of what I think might be best course of therapy. Somehow, the added responsibility of improving someone's life makes me very eager to put my complete effort into serving that client. Whereas before, when someone else was telling me what to do, I was able to slack off a bit and not invest as much of my time or effort. It was a neat paradigm shift that I wasn't expecting and will completely change how I approach this internship.

The other really neat thing that happened occured after Will's bath. He was soaking wet and completely wrapped in a towel. He'd been cranky most of the evening and was in the habit of not wanting to be held after a bath (which he used to love). But tonight he snuggled up and let me hold him for quite a while, but the really neat thing was that he put his arms around my neck to hold me really close. I'm not sure he's ever done that before, at least not deliberately. I can still feel his arms on my neck. Nothing can ever be so special as to be loved and needed by a child. It seemed like forever since I have been allowed to hold him that close. I imagine that as Will grows older, it will become rarer. I cherish these few fleeting moments while they occur. Here's a song that makes me cry:

Where are you going
My little one, little one
Where are you going
My baby, my own
Turn around and you’re two
Turn around and you’re four
Turn around and you’re a young [man]
Going out of the door
[...]

Where have they gone
My little ones, little ones
Where have they gone
My babies, my own
Turn around and they’re young
Turn around and they’re old
Turn around and they’re gone
And we’ve no one to hold

Turn around, turn around
Turn around and they’re gone
And we’ve no one to hold

Where are you going
My baby, my own


Turn Around
Sung by Rosemary Clooney
Written by: Harry Belafonte / Alan Greene / Malvina Reynolds
posted by Candice at 7:16 PM