Sticky Side of Heaven


Please feel free to respond to any of my thoughts. I love interactive discussion!
My e-mail is liltoad2000@aol.com.

 
A message from FAB "You hold your children's hand for a little while...their hearts forever...LOVE YA!"

This evening marked a night of contrasts. It has become my custom in the evenings to put Will to bed, work hard on something for a few hours and then spend a short while in my new library cuddled under a warm blanket with a cup of tea and a book. Tonight I popped up a special treat of parmesan popcorn (sorry nana!) and warmed up my footwarmer bean bag for toasty toes. I turned on my CD of very relaxing and mellow bamboo flute music and softened the lights. After a bit of delicious reading, I looked up from my book and discovered how utterly peaceful I felt. This place is shaping up to be a 'home.' I love the feeling of being settled, organized and clean. Sure, I still have work to do but many years ago I mastered the fine art of not letting stuff undone bother me. I can't remember the last time I felt so utterly relaxed and content. All I needed to complete the picture was a purring cat sharing my contentment and warmth and calmness.

I reluctantly got up to prepare everything for tomorow morning's rush. For some reason I was being more meticulous than usual and I decided to try on my choice of outfit and see if it still fit. Fourty five minutes and 12 outfits later I finally gave up and settled on an ratty old sweater I have and some khakis. I'm not sure what the problem exactly was, whether I was seeing all my outfits in a new light or if I had gained a few pounds in the two months that all my clothes were in storage. Needless to say, my feelings of contentment and peace and satisfaction with myself were gone, right off the map.

As I sit here in my plush bathrobe, I feel very comfortable with myself. But put me in 'professional' clothes and force me to look at myself in a mirror, I just want to cry. Can someone tell me what the definition of a professional outfit is??? Is it something that I am comfortable in that I can do my best thinking and thus serve the client best. Or is is something that looks expensive and uncomfortable, like fine silk and linen (and don't make me mention heels)? I'm struggling to find a happy medium between these two points that also will present nicely on my large frame. I bought two rather expensive pair of pants at a large women's store and loved them very much because they were comfortable. I wore them often until I caught a glance in the mirror and got a vivid impression of John Candy's 'fat pants.' They 'bagged' just like his did, in all the wrong places.

Mirrors are nasty little things. I have this gorgeous woman inside of me that floats around gracefully all day long until I catch an eyeful in a mirror and suddenly feel like a clown wearing an inner tube and two float balls in front. The sight of myself is incongruent with how I feel about myself and I haven't been able to reconcile the two. Hmm, I'll figure out something, I guess :)
posted by Candice at 8:52 PM