Sticky Side of Heaven


Please feel free to respond to any of my thoughts. I love interactive discussion!
My e-mail is liltoad2000@aol.com.

 
Hi!

I'm feeling a little shy about getting back on here :) It has been a long time, hasn't it. Much as I know you all love keeping up with me, this is a lower priority on my list of things to do (like job applications and dissertations). I'm mainly hopping back on here cause I've got feelings again, bothersome things, and need to blow a few of them off. Let's see how should I present them all?? I can list them: frustration, hopelessness, sheer panic, depression, anger, stupidity. There's also good stuff like love, joy, satisfaction, success, happiness but those aren't as interesting for me right now and I'm not in the mood to be funny :-P Maybe I should explain things by situation: school, job, applications, terrible two's, sleep, bills.

Gosh, I don't know.

Hmmm.

It would help if I wasn't so tired at the moment, I should go to bed. It's not unusual for me to go to bed at 8:30pm anymore. However, I started a meal in the crock pot and now I have to wait for it to finish (Beef brisket in a lemon/garlic/mushroom cream sauce...sorry Jenn). I'm doing pretty good with the food stuff. You have probably heard that I lost a few pounds, 30 or so. Funny how I thought it would make me feel better, and it does but it certainly doesn't change any of the things that I'm dealing with. I guess the most draining, even more than working 50 hours a week, is the constant battles that I do with Will, every morning and night. Almost from the moment I wake him up in the morning he doesn't want to do anything that I need him to do to get ready to go to school (even though he LOVES going there). So it ends up being a battle and he screams until I drop him off. It is such a relief to go to work. I ended up at work this week in tears because I out-shouted him for the first time ever. He had battled and cried nonstop from 6:30am when I woke him up allllllllllllll the way to the car. I gave up trying to get him into his coat and put him in the car without it (it was warm that day). Turns out the lack of coat gave him enough wiggle room to get out of his seat while I was driving. I yelled at him louder than he was screaming. That shut him up, I don't think he's ever heard me scream. We pulled over and I got him back in his seat and went to school. When I took him out he wouldn't look at me, talk to me and was as stiff as could be when I carried him in and tried to give him a hug. That evening he cried when I picked him up and didn't want to go with me. I feel like such a horrible mother that my son doesn't even want to come home with me.
posted by Candice at 7:01 PM