Sticky Side of Heaven


Please feel free to respond to any of my thoughts. I love interactive discussion!
My e-mail is liltoad2000@aol.com.

 
I am supposed to write down what I am feeling at the moment. I have an ache in my side from sitting for too long. I feel bored and stiff. I am ready to go home but I also want to write something that will be meaningful to me. I am attempting to breathe through my heart more to help loosen it up. It is very hard and immovable from years of fear. Fear of everything from being called on in class to being yelled at by my ex-step-mother. Fear of communicating my feelings, of allowing another person to know what I am feeling. Fear of myself being invalidated, and shamed by others. It happens so often when I say something about myself, then people tell me that my statement is wrong or invalid or they have their own negative feelings. I've even been laughed at and rejected so why should I continue to display my feelings for others to do so?

Sigh, but unfortunately the consequences of my fear and uncommunicativeness are becoming physical, painful and are impeding my growth as well as potential and current relationships including that of my son. I don't want to live like this. So I will continue to try to breathe through my heart, to become more aware of how it is feeling. To allow it to guide my mind instead of the other way around.
posted by Candice at 4:33 PM