Sticky Side of Heaven


Please feel free to respond to any of my thoughts. I love interactive discussion!
My e-mail is liltoad2000@aol.com.

 
Don't read this post. Honestly.






I am a leech of the worst kind. I ask and ask and ask for my own selfish reasons and I don't give anything back to my friends and family. I don't think of the other person. I am always and completely self-centered. I am constantly thinking about me, things that happen to me and what I think about that. My opinions are the best and if everyone could just see my point of view they would see how right they are. I judge everyone and everything from their driving to the clothes people wear to they way they drink their tea. I include myself in these judgements and can never do anything right. The words I say in conversation are always 'off', never suave or charming. I look like a pig. I can't even dress so that I look presentable. I hate looking at myself in the mirror in the mornings. I don't understand how people can look at me and not feel nauseous. Maybe they do. I have no redeeming qualities, what good is there? I know that the world would be a better place without me. This is not hard to see. My life sucks. I have no income. I am a single deaf mother who wears glasses. Can't sing or even talk quite right. I don't know how to play the piano. I have no grace in my step, no beauty in my face, twinkle in my eye. I am a financial burden on my grandparents and parents. My sister subsidises much of the 'extras' in my life. I don't have anything to show for my life or career. I don't have a significant other. In fact the one person I met in my life that I thought was the One, he wasn't interested. I haven't talked to him in 4 months and I still cry myself to sleep. I am always sick with seemingly serious things that dissapear when I step into the drs office and I step out with huge bills for others to pay. I have creditors chasing after me because of an ex-boyfriend. I have my son's father knocking on my door after a 4 year absence. I'm being charged for $6000 worth of credits that I was not allowed to take but were not taken off my record. Too boot I'm also being charged with the fees and insurance that go along with being a student, even thought I was never a student. What else? I'm fat. Did I say that yet? I don't fit into any of my clothes anymore. I want to eat healthier but I don't have the money to do that. My son still sleeps with me instead of being a big boy. I watch too much tv. My feet stink. I haven't shaved my legs in 6 months. My teeth are yellow. I have acne, big fat pimples. My hair is just a flop and my thighs are floppier. My breasts are too big and my stomach hangs out. I'm not considerate of others and rarely ask wuestions or show interest in their affairs. In fact if I could go and live in isolation with no mirrors and a mumu, I would be better off. More? My nails are unkempt and my glasses are dirty. I see spots with or without them on. I am slow in all I do, everything, slow as molasses. I have no friends in this town and probably won't ever. People have a hard time smiling at me in public. In fact I am often skipped over when waited on in line. The person behind me is called up instead. I can't do math in my head. I can't express my feelings in appropriate ways. I cry easily. I get angry but never show it to people. I self implode and make my life miserable instead. Sigh. I must end my self-stomping for now.



posted by Candice at 4:21 PM